July is cooking

Nothing good cooking in the kitchen over here other than the eggs these girls are laying.

Jari fixed them up right proper before we went to Minnesota. It is hot outside. Summer has come and it is downright intolerable as far as I am concerned. These little gals were getting a wee bit toasty. So ... they now have a sprinkler that wets their shade cover and a good chunk of earth beneath it every 12 hours. They're happy ladies and I'm pleased to see them looking comfortable.

I have taken up guessing what the temp is outside when I  leave work. I can certainly tell you when it hits this hot. I did send a text to my coworkers Wednesday evening saying that being as I'm the sensitive sort, I might just have to stay home and indoors on Thursday. That didn't work out so good.

Leftovers for lunch nearly every day. 

That blessed sun. I gauged that if I parked in one of these 6 specific spots, my car would be shaded when I left after work. Apparently, if you leave at 6pm .... the sun has moved over to the next 6 spots. Will need to make some minor adjustments next time I work.

Have you every been so tired that it is easier to wash the dishes by hand than to unload and load the dishwasher? Couldn't quite believe it myself but 'tis the honest truth.

Here's to a fabulous week!

Wednesday and Thursday

Running a little bit late here .....

A week ago we did a we bit of traveling.

We started our Wednesday morning in Phoenix at the funeral of our dear Helen. She was a very dear woman to so many and will be dearly missed by everyone who knew her. We were so pleased that the timing worked out so that we could attend.

We left at the very end of the funeral and headed to the Mesa airport toward Minnesota.

I love this view from the sky. I sort of feel like I was looking at the Alaska coastline instead of a sky with hanging clouds.

We spent Sunday night in St. Cloud and then headed to Sebeka to visit Pekka and Dagmar. This was our first visit with them together. Our first time seeing them as a married couple. The first time we've seen them in their home and interacting with each other. I have to say that we laughed until we nearly cried and left with hearts warmed by new love.

Dagmar loves flowers as much as I do.

I can't wait to go back and visit again sometime soon.

And the rain came ..... as we headed down toward Monticello and the service site where tents waiting thousands of guests.

Yeah .... it's going to be a bit damp but do we care?
Not really.
We don't have littles but we don't have mud boots either.
Going to be interesting!

O little star of Christmas

Unwanted ceiling fan blades can make the best little projects. I found these on Pinterest (link found here) and decided to try use up some of those pieces taking up space. If they didn't work, I didn't have anything but play time invested. Worst case scenario .... I could turn them into something else, right?

So months ago I started working on the band saw. That shiny nice thing that showed up for Christmas. I filled a box with oodles (at least it felt like it!) of little cut out things from scraps of wood. As I've found a moment here or there, I attack one project at a time and try get them to a point where I can bring them all to a group of willing ladies in the fall. They can whip out the final details on them in no time flat.

If you don't work with wood, you probably don't understand the amount of time we spend sanding things. And sanding things. And sanding things. I do have the best sander I've ever owned and recently hubby found some much cheaper sanding discs on Amazon that I am now using. They work like a dream and save wee bits of money. I have an aversion to hand sanding and do as little as possible.

Then the fun part. In order to make these 3 dimensional stars, they needed this little notch cut out to fit them together. I was a bit nervous that it wouldn't work, but it did!!

I had pieces that fit together like a glove for the most part!

And the weekend came to an end, other duties called my name and they went back into the box in the garage.

The following weekend I hauled them out.

I very much enjoy multi-tasking nearly everything in life. So these got a dab of glue ...

they got set to dry while I went and took paint remover to a dresser out in the garage.
I haven't used paint remover in years ... I still don't like it. Just so ya know.

They dried inside and then moved outside (to a well ventilated area in case you had any concerns about my brain cells!) to get some spray paint applied to them.

O Little Star of Christmas ....

the great wall of anita

I started this post several months ago.
This is how it started.

Last week I cried.

Finally.

And this may sound odd to you, but I was so relieved to finally be able to do that.

Recently, visiting with that friend of the heart, the topic of my wall came up and perhaps it is time to finish this post .. or try.

Why do we as human beings build walls around ourselves? I know it isn't the way it is suppose to be, but sometimes it is the only way we can survive. 

Somewhere deep inside each of us, whether you admit it or not, is the total of our life experiences. It doesn't matter if we've grown up, matured and are no longer the same people we were .. the experiences are woven into each of us. So are the responses to those experiences. Instinctively, we head straight back to those responses when a similar situation arises.

I remember very well nearly losing my mind in grief a number of years ago. It was the most traumatic experience of my life to that point and it was difficult to keep the thread to sanity. While many of my responses came from much further back than that, it was that experience that probably started the building of a wall. Not just a wall that looks like a white picket fence, but a wall that was reinforced steel or concrete. Or whatever you reinforce. Nobody was getting in no way no how. I couldn't afford to let that happen again.

Then life just added more challenges and more trials. Please don't get me wrong. There are many joys sprinkled in among the challenges. There are so many blessings and moments of happiness .. or the trials would be overwhelming. In the last several years, they were what I considered biggies. And even though there were a few select people in my world with whom I could share, for the most part I could not. It had to be kept inside and quiet. Do you have any idea what that does for the wall? When you can't talk? When you sit in a room full of people and want to scream your story and you can't. So you talk about the inane things of life. You talk about the equivalent of the weather and it all seems so incredibly trivial. It seems like a waste of time because your gut and your heart have serious things going on. All you want to do is talk and you can't.

No, I haven't been told by anyone that I can't talk. No one person or group of people said I had to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, the story isn't yours alone and you don't have the right to share. Sometimes, there might be an ongoing process in place that requires discretion.

At what point then does it seem useless to spend time around other people? I don't mean useless, because there is much more to life than just my issues. There are many things to share with others and joys to be had. But it gets easier to just be alone. That isn't a bad thing either. I am very happy alone. I have many things to keep me occupied. The problem is that along with way I've lost people. I have not picked up the phone to call friends and my phone doesn't often ring.

I finally had enough. I walked an emotional line that was level straight. No ups and no downs. It was like being medicated without pharmaceuticals. I had learned to self medicate by burying things so deep you couldn't get to them. Easier that way, right? Not exactly. Eventually it comes out somewhere. It has to. In a gall bladder. In a hip. It finds an outlet. It was time to start figuring it out. It was time to start taking those steel walls apart and hopefully someday, view the wall as a picket fence.

I spent hours on the phone doing some emotion code therapy and I started to laugh again. I could cry again. This road isn't over for me but there is progress. The wall isn't gone but perhaps there is a chink in it. While we were in North Dakota in March, I made an appointment to see someone who also does the same sort of thing with some added other stuff I really don't understand. As difficult as that first step was ... it was amazingly unbelievable. I have to say that grief poured from the depths of my soul. That road hasn't reached its end yet either. It needs more energy than I can give it right now, it needs to be taken a stretch at a time. Or as this process is often referred to as the peeling of an onion .... one layer at a time.

At some point, I have learned a few other things. How very hard a road can be. For the most part, my road has been filled with some frost heaves. There has been no major earthquake damage on the road I travel. No tsunami has wiped out my road completely. While I try to navigate the frost heaves of my own heart and mind, I struggle to to help others find their way through the crevices caused by earthquakes in their lives.

Take care of yourself my friend.

Agave

Now these little treasures don't require rooting hormone.

I work with a dear woman who splits her agave quite often.

I have been gifted with a few myself.

I have been doing the same with mine.

I love them!

june comes to an end

A quick date nite at the W.

It was a different W that saw many date nites for many years, but why not right?

We happened into Costco on Father's Day for some quick stuff for a family day.

At the end of the aisle was one lone upright large tool chest waiting for us. The only one in the store. 

It went home with us that day and dear hubby has been organizing in spare moments.

It looks as though once or twice, maybe more, a tool couldn't be found and a replacement was purchased. Think so? I love the color of this drawer ....

As I love the color of my organizing as well.
One corner at a time.
One color at a time.

This past week we also lost a dear woman from this life. She has gained eternal victory and will be dearly missed here on earth. A group of people got together to sing and visit. 

I dearly wish my oldest son was able to be here. She was his second mom and his words of love break my heart. She taught us many things about life, love, faith, persistence and motherhood. She was also a character in many ways. I know that I have some priceless video of her.

I have patients whose lives and social schedules revolve around offices such as this. When nearly two hours is spent in waiting, I must say I develop a whole new empathy for them.

It got hot this week. It was warm before, but now it is hot. We have some bits of traveling coming up, and don't like to sit in the sun ourselves, so gave the ladies a little more shade over the weekend. This scene isn't making it into Country Living (my fave magazine ever) but the gals are a little happier. 

Getting warm outside means that afternoons can be spent indoors doing some of this kind thing. This wreath was started a year ago or more. It is another one of those "oh my ... what have I done" projects. I worked on it ... Alyx worked on it ... I worked on it some more. It is made of at least a million circles cut from unwanted white bedsheets. I don't recommend this undertaking.  It was not going to be done for last November, so I parked it away. It came back out this week and is done with the exception of embellishments. Any color preferences for embellishments?

We have spent our weekend with some precious visits. Dinner with Juha & Annette at Rock Springs Cafe on Friday evening. And serious baby snuggles at Darren & Gwen's Saturday evening. Aren't these identical little cherubs just the sweetest? I made a serious study to see if next time I can tell them apart. Any bets? My memory circuits are a bit overloaded, but I think I can do it!

Have a great week everyone! We will be traveling and haven't a clue what to pack. Looks like an umbrella for sure.

From out of nowhere

it came to visit.

Then I thought about it and I realized it has been here.
I have done an incredible job of controlling my environment.
I attempt to surround myself with things that bring me peace and calm.
I can handle many things, including those things that make one incredibly strong and empathetic to certain situations.
I handled all of it.

Then I added one more course to the plate.
It's like not knowing when you've eaten everything and are full to the brim, so you take another piece of pie just 'cuz it sounds like a great idea ... and the pie tips you right over the edge.

I haven't decided yet to return the pie to the refrigerator ....