Monday, June 5, 2017

365: week 21

143/365: 

It is difficult to fathom that the human who leaves this mess behind her (and this is just a small portion of the watershed) every time she leaves the restroom is the mother of 2 boys.
#gotbetterthingstodo

143/365:

Dinner for two ... not ten.
#keepforgetting

144/365:

The little cousins playing tunes while the ....
#joysoflittleboys

145/365:

Bigger cousins have some rough and tumble time!
#boysgettingbig #blessedarethenoisemakers

146/365:

Very special visitors spending the weekend with us. They are quite the team. When macular degeneration starts taking your eyesight it's good to have a handy needle threader at the ready.

147/365:

Afternoon coffee visits.
#bluberrydelight #sharingsadnews

148/365:

#familyday #newphonelearningcurve

We had a great weekend with the folks in town .. so blessed that they feel well enough to travel here and stay with us!

Now let's see if I can get week 22 up here before we leave town on Thursday! Have a great one!

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Journals


Is this a challenge you face? 

This collection of oh so important things that you can't find anyway because you're not sure which book they ended up in?

I typically have a notebook with me wherever I go. As long as the handbag is big enough .. lately it doesn't hold much tho. I jot down things at seminars .. pages and pages. I take notes at camps and presentations ... again pages and pages. I recently took an ACLS class and yup ... even that had its own pages. 

Then there are websites and phone numbers. 

Passwords and addresses. 

Recipes and project ideas with shopping lists for each sometimes. 

I went through 6 of these little treasures. Shredded some pages .. pitched others into the trash. Then there are the notes I don't want to lose. Those are being scanned into my fave online storage place so I can find them should I need to. 

And this most favorite of all? I think I picked it up in one of those ridiculously expensive airport shops many many moons ago ... is a keeper. 



I'm going to fill it with motivational things. Maybe something to pause and read through when life seems overwhelming sometimes. When there isn't much you can do about it but adjust your own attitude. 

So if you see that book hanging around my house ... give it a flip through. 

Monday, May 22, 2017

365: week 20


A welcome home with roses and cards on this day after Mother's Day. Fun and rowdy evening with little boys. 

Happy Birthday to Char! I had breakfast with these two special ones on Monday morning before heading to Minot and another Allegiant experience. Which, I might add, I have nothing but positive things to say. In fact so positive that I have raved about the width of the center aisle since coming home. Serious. Look at this thing. 


I wheeled my $18 bag up that thing without any problem at all. And .. after paying for a $5 boarding pass on the way up ... promptly downloaded the app so I don't have to do that again. Serious. I'd fly them again in a heartbeat. Anything to navigate a small town airport whose parking is rather ridiculously priced but where I can board the plane out on the tarmac and pretend I'm loading onto a luxury liner that is taking me to some sandy beach somewhere. 


When projects become all consuming and Friday turns to Saturday. #cantstop
Reupholstering is time consuming for the novice! #countrydreaming

This lovely chair has been here or a while ... a very tired blue floral fabric that seriously needed to be replaced. So weeks ago Alyx and I tore the thing apart. And this past weekend ... I put it together. The woodwork had a little loving attention to it as well. In my opinion, it isn't sellable and I hope it holds up more than a minute but I love it! I also finally redid a foot stool that I have detested for about 10 years in the same country fabric. No .. my living room probably doesn't tie together and a decorator would walk in and have heart palpitations but it is me. Most surely me!

Am I the only one that does that? Holds onto things they love because they are certainly going to get around to redoing it eventually. Now I sit outside and am looking around wondering if I can attack a few things out there that are driving me nuts. Bulk trash pickup is scheduled in a few weeks and I would dearly love to dump some furniture out there. Let's see if I dare!

142/365: 


Journals that don't really include any journaling. #gofigure #notetaker
Posts about journal activity coming this week.

Looking forward to a fun week and weekend. Mom and Dad are on their way down here and will be spending the holiday weekend with us. Can't wait for some good visits and hopefully some good barbecue grill action!

Thursday, May 18, 2017

365: week 19

132/365:

Here is a miracle deal. I went to Williston over the past weekend to surprise my oldest son who was turning 30 on Mother's Day. I hadn't anticipated having a new granddaughter to cuddle while I was there. It would have been fun but my fingers weren't cramped from crossing them. As I was at the airport in Mesa Friday morning bright and early waiting to get through security ... my phone rang. The lovely princess had arrived. Lyla Esther was perfectly healthy. I almost screeched aloud but manged to contain myself. Timing? Couldn't be almost better. 

Brock picked me up from the airport in Minot and we headed to the hospital to see the new baby and the exhausted mom who I was hoping was taking long luxurious naps while her hubby was gone. My son is a little like his father. Ants in his pants. I don't mean just a few ants ... I mean the entire hill. Within a few hours of getting to the hospital .. Bridget was discharged and the crew was headed home. A stop to browse a yard sale on the way ... another stop for drive thru coffee and finally home. We were joined by many .. including Blayde who we managed to surprise. This trip had been booked several months ago ... and we managed to keep it from him. 

Lots of little people and new baby snuggles .. visiting and probably not nearly enough sleep ...

133/365:

but enough energy left somewhere to take off in the morning and hit some yard sales. Then on to the Band Day Parade which celebrated 90 years. Granted, the population of Williston has grown dramatically, but I still call it a small town. This looks to be the event of the year. I left a little before it was over with, but I didn't see one tractor! I saw cranes, ambulances, bands, local businesses, more bands, oil service companies and any number of businesses that represent the areas industry, but no tractors. Even Walmart made an appearance! Fun to see a community come together!

Liam came home later in the day and was in a much better frame of mind than on Friday. Friday he wasn't such a happy little guy. He was busy giving gifts to little Lyla, giving the swing a push here and there, saying the sweetest little "hi!" here and there. Throwing balls, barking at neighboring dogs and just being a very little boy whose world just got upended and he doesn't even really know it yet. 

We snuggled babies, visited, ate, played games and visited some more. Just spending time together is the finest thing in the world. Especially when it isn't a regular thing ... it is the most delightful treat you can imagine. Just being.

134/365:

Mothers Day spent with some of my greatest blessings. We celebrated moms and Blayde's 30th birthday. How that happened so fast I'm not quite sure. To see them in their worlds, the places they work and play. The place in which they've made their lives. I can't have them close in proximity right now, but at least when I hear that the Granddog Duchess likes to play chase around the table ... I now know exactly what she is doing. It's the little things that make images real in my mind. They make me feel like I'm almost there. I can see Liam throwing balls and chasing dogs ... all those little images.

Makes me want to run back real soon ... and next time I'm bringing their dad with me too.

Thanks to all of you who made my visit so extra special.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

365: weeks 18 and 19

120-123/365:

Can't get to Hawaii .. bring it home to you. This super comfy chair has become an addition to our patio and is well loved by at least a few people in the house.

Coffee can't come fast enough on Mondays. #brewquicklyitsmonday

We had a guys crafting night at Gwen's one Tuesday evening. Super fun to have them cranking out projects that take me much longer to complete. We have quite a list for them! While the guys were outside ... I was learning how to do some needle action on wool inside. This could get addicting!

124-127/365:

Never a guess who worked last when I find the cord wrapped like this. Isn't that the way it goes? We all have habits that are particular (or peculiar) to us alone. I wonder what mine are!

Ready to get some crafting going on. The windy weather has not been favorable of late, but I have paint!

Dinners and celebrating just being us. I'm a blessed woman.

128-131/365:

#desertsunrise and #faveflowers

I have some new Tupperware containers in my house. Just a few. I don't bake like I use to and don't have need of massive food storage. There is a double edged sword problem with the Tupperware container. I went to bake some pulla to bring to my boys and the brown sugar is all soft inside that lovely Tupperware. No brown sugar clumps! Seriously. 

I love brown sugar clumps.

Friday, May 12, 2017

grief

I haven't lost anyone, permanent loss, in my life in a very long time.

We have made some big changes in our lives and done them with planning, trepidation and forethought. Those changes involved grieving as well. Moving away from close loved ones. Loved ones moving away from us. All of those involve loss. It changes the way our worlds turn from day to day. The faces and hearts that are closest to our own. Today's world is a different place for sure. We have access to the internet, cell phones, face to face speaking even if it is routed through satellites the world around. But, it isn't a visit shared over a cup of coffee. It isn't the Saturday evenings spent together over joys and over sorrows. Even though emojis abound, it is difficult to share a hug through Verizon.

Prior to these big changes in our life, we have separated ourselves from those we are leaving. It is interesting that it is done in a subconscious way. We certainly haven't consciously done this, rather as a mode of self preservation and protection our minds have done it for us. We didn't even realize it ourselves until it was brought to our attention. And yet, it made perfect sense to me when I realized what we had done.

Does this happen when a person faces the loss of a loved family member? I haven't done that. I am so thankful that I haven't yet been given that cross to bear. And yet the finality of that parting must be so final. Like the curtain being drawn and there is no light anymore until one's eyes adjust to the new level of light. It isn't as bright anymore, but there is still a level of light. The longer the time, the more the adjustment. It is no longer the same, nor will it ever be.

This past fall brought a different kind of loss to my world. While it wasn't a choice that I made, and I fully respect the right of any person to make their own choices, it wasn't any easy one for me. We live in a very close knit community of shared faith. Yes, there are people who think we are simple and led like lambs to slaughter with no minds of our own. They are also free to think that ... I don't need to surround myself with the likes. Inside that community of shared faith, we share the same foundation of our lives. They are built upon the bedrock of a living faith in God and His congregation. When one chooses, or makes choices that inevitably separates one from that congregation, to leave this way of life it severs that thread that knits us together. We still share many things. So many of things haven't changed, but the very basis of our belief systems have changed. The very thing upon which my entire life is based is something we no longer have in common.

We have children who are not of the same faith as we are. At some points in their lives, they have chosen to walk a different path than us. I love them to bits. I love them bunches. I love them unconditionally.

Those changes didn't come easily. They came with a near loss of sanity on my part, they came with self preservation skills to keep me out of what I was sure was a break with reality. They came with overwhelming grief.

If you aren't of my faith and are reading this you're wondering what the big deal is. You may be thinking I don't have a right to make a choice for someone else. You probably have all kinds of thoughts about what I am allowed to feel or how difficult it was for my children, and others, to leave the safety of all that they knew. I get that. It isn't my choice, it is yours and theirs. You make the choices and you live with their consequences. I live with the aftermath of your choices.

So I learn to love you in a different way. It is as if you drew the blackout curtain and walked away. You left me trying to figure out how to stumble in the dark room without you walking beside me, holding my hand and listening to my heart. You didn't tell me you were having problems in the bright light. You didn't tell me you wanted help making your way. You forged a different path as is and was your right. You found other people to walk with you and hold your hand and heart.

Perhaps I didn't see look close enough to see that you needed me. Perhaps you hid from me so I couldn't see.

The room went dark when you left it. I stumbled around looking for the piece of me that had just left and it was gone. I fumbled around the obstacles that are my own thoughts and fears. I held on to the ones who were still here to hold my heart and listen to it weep. And slowly, ever so slowly, the light filtered back into the room. It took time. It took prayer. It took patience. Slowly, just as river smooths a stone, the sharp edges of the broken heart have softened.

As someone who is facing death wrote not long ago:

"I also want to say though that each person should feel free to feel how you feel in the midst of your struggles. Even if someone else seems to have something "more serious" going on OR someone else seems to have an easier time with the same kind of trial you're having, you don't need to compare or somehow put the expectation on yourself that your struggle isn't real or justified. Each of us is unique and each of us have been given life - with it's unique joys and sorrows".

So, yes, that sorrow was mine. It was deep and cutting.

Someday it will again be joy. .