Wednesday, November 7, 2012

lately i have to wonder

I wonder if I should even bother to blog at all anymore.
My thoughts may be a bit on the maudlin side today, but tough.
If you don't like it, you have many options.
You can delete me off your reading list. You can leave me a comment.
Or you can just rip around the house and rant about me.
I really don't care.

I am thoroughly disgusted.
If you know me at all, and most of you probably don't, you'll know that I don't get mad.
I don't get worked up about much. I shrug things off. Sometimes I'm capable of getting on a bandwagon before I really should, but most times I prefer to sit and listen. I love to hear how other folks' brains swirl their ideas around in their heads and what the result is when it finally can't help but eject itself in the form of speech.

I enjoy a debate (maybe even a good argument!) as long as it is based on facts and not name calling. I am not political in my thinking. My family takes care of that for me, even if we are usually on opposite sides of the fence. There are enough of them that are active and I've had enough opportunites to ingest so much that I am severely jaded and disillusioned in my thoughts when it comes to politics.

I do vote. I research the issues and the candidates before I head to the polling place to cast my ballot. I vote for what I believe is right for myself and my country. I vote my belief system. It is my right and my duty, one that was hard fought for by Americans before me.

What I don't understand is this.

In the past days I have been called judgemental. Actually I could keep writing about all the collective judgemental I've been called in the last months. I will stick to the most recent.

What does it mean to be judgemental? I did a quick search online and found any number of dictionaries with definitions to please most people. Today's internet access is something else! I chose Merriam Webster because I think they may just be a bit more credible than Urban Dictionary or the like. I'm also not going to define the word judgemental for you, rather I'm going to use two synonyms provided that are easy to understand: faultfinding and critical.

If I replace the word judgemental with the faultfinding and critical, and I look around the world that exists outside of my little orbit I find interesting things.

  • I am not critical of anyone who chooses to drink flavored or foofoo coffee from Starbucks just because I always take mine black.
  • If you live in a huge house in a gated neighborhood, more power to you. I don't but I'm happy for you.
  • If you live in a one room cabin and drive a bicycle, come have coffee with me.
  • If today you are my friend and your hair is brown, tomorrow your hair is blonde, and the next day it might be streaked pink, the person inside you didn't change. You are still my friend. I might raise my eyebrows at the pink because I'm not crazy about pink hair, but you're still my friend. Just because I don't like pink hair doesn't mean that I will tell you what you can and cannot do. That was your choice. If you are under 18 and are my child ... that is another discussion completely.
  • If you decide that eating meat isn't your thing and you decide to be vegan or vegetarian, I won't understand the choice. I love meat. Just because I love meat and you won't eat it anymore, does it make me critical or is it just a difference in choices?
  • If I choose to drive a Prius, whether it is because I like the gas mileage or want to save the planet, and you drive a gas hog .... I don't care.
  • If you love animals and want a houseful of them, go for it. If it includes the feline version, I probably won't come over to visit you. Not because I'm critical of the fact that you have 20 different breeds of critter living in your house, rather I'm allergic to long haired cats and won't come out the front door alive. You can have as many as you like. I can't come over to visit you. We each have to make our own choices.
  • If you choose to eat organic foods and won't consume anything else, then you probably shouldn't join my table for dinner. You can eat at home and come for dessert. I really won't find fault with you. Please don't find find fault with me that my grocery budget doesn't include those things.
  • If your belief system is Mormon, Buddhist, Catholic or any other myriad of religions in this world (or none at all) ... embrace it. I have the right to embrace the religion of my choice just as you do.
I am allowed to have my own thoughts, ideals and beliefs. Those are mine. This is not a country where those are controlled. As long as I don't steam roll you with them and try to make them yours, then leave me alone.

Today I sat in a class all day and learned something interesting. Defensive behavior is the beginning stage of a loss of rationality. When you become beligerant and have to call me names, I'm going to assume that you are losing your grip on reality. I really don't know what else to think. If you are a person who feels free to call me on questions of health, because I am a nurse, and then resorts to name calling rather than an adult discussion .... don't bother calling.

I may not be the brightest diamond in the mine. I'm okay with that. I do own my thoughts, my ideals and my beliefs. If by professing my beliefs you think I am judging yours ... then you have a problem. I don't.

In the words of Thomas Jefferson, "I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend."


  1. Well- I for one like to follow your blog! I can't imagine who could take offense from your pretty pictures and poetic, thoughtful writings! You have a great talent shining through as you blog! It's also a nice 'diary' for you (and for your kids) in the years to come. :)

    1. Well .... it isn't comments from the blog that I'm referring to. Rather the rest of life. I'll keep writing and if I need reminding to just "chill out" once in a while, I'm sure someone will let me know!

  2. I have a hard time explaining myself sometimes but I will give it a whirl. I have been called judgemental too. Usually by someone who is trying to MAKE me accept something. I have friends/acqaintances who are gay, Mormon, atheist, divorced, etc, etc. We do not have the same beliefs but we get along great. For me, it's a matter of *content of character*. If they are good people I like them. When they become aggressive and try to make me approve of their beliefs- that's a different story. For example: the gay pride marches and atheists trying to make the rest of the country cater to them and their beliefs. I feel the same way about *nurse-ins* Sure, I believe mothers should be able to discreetly nurse their babies but when they become aggressive and insist on being able to whip it out anywhere they wish- that turns me against them. I also don't really agree with the saying *love the sinner but hate the sin* I really can't explain why. Especially when it's a family member. I think it's because then you feel like you are better than that person??? And you hold back some of your love out of self-righteousness???
    About the big house in a gated community- One time a person told me- "But, you could live in a posh house in a posh neighborhood!" Then, when I tried to explain to them that that is not my goal in life, that that is not the lifestyle I hope for, I was labeled as someone with *no drive or ambition*. To each their own. We may not understand each other but you are who you are. And I feel you must be true to yourself and your beliefs.
    Um. I'm not sure if this makes any sense and I have probably caused more confusion but these are my disjointed thoughts about *judging*. I also am tempted to give up blogging because even though I write my blog for myself, I have caused offense too. So when I have to try and write very carefully it takes the fun out of it.

    1. Keep writing Carol. I've changed some of the things that I share via this blog because of comments, but for the most part I just let it roll.
      I could probably start writing and end up in the next gigabyte, but will just say this. I understand what you're saying. Perhaps by judging (or claiming to be judged) one justifies whatever it is they feel the need to justify. I feel quite confident, happy and blessed in the place I am.

      I must come for coffee someday!!

  3. Ahhh, blogging opens up all kinds of doors, even the ones that bring in mean comments. But I'd say keep on exercising your right to free speech. Blog if you enjoy it and know that humans are diverse (thankfully) and you can never please everybody. And let them comment. I'm glad that you don't care what people think if they don't like what you have to say. Those of us that enjoy reading your blog and visiting with you will keep doing so, whether we find you judgmental or not! (btw, you are not!) And those that don't enjoy you should quit coming back!

    1. Imagine if we were a world without different thoughts. We might all wear black shoes, drive lime green cars, eat nothing but vegetables, think the same thoughts because we were incapable of anything else. Sounds positively painful!!